ehh
I liked it just because I love the song, and the timing was pretty decent -- but I think you could do a lot better. It's typography, so it makes sense to change the font & color, no? And it would also make more sense to put emphasis on the words that the singer puts emphasis on: such as "SPINELESS, PALE, *PATHETIC" lot, and not "spineless, pale, pathetic LOT."
Punctuation would also help it, where necessary ("did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?").
But you've got the right ideas!~