Haha!
The Voice acting was not the best, but the dialogue was great^^
I thought the music was ok, but there weren't any sound effects really or background noises which would add depth to the movie.
As the jokes, a few were really just simply primitive, but some really cracked me up! Alone how he ran towards the school building was random, and when he coughed up his pencil I thought that was really funny :D
hehe u noticed the coughing up of the pencil, a lot of ppl had no idea what happened, good eye... and yeah ill definitely get my brother to make me some background music/noise cause it really helps move along slow scenes... have u watched part 2 and 3??
very mediocore
audio quality wasnt such a big deal, but same tune between scenes is getting old real fast. try mixing it up a bit. also add some quiet background music, it will help the large amounts of dialog seem less boring.
I know animation isnt your major concern and u focusing on writing, but it makes ur entire flash seem rough. maybe you could cut down overall cartoon length, allowing u to focus more on the animation. theres alot of pointless stuff in there u could cut out. no offense to ur writing, i found the jokes to be pretty funny, but it feels like im waiting too long for the next punchline.
the pauses inbetween different people talking seem to be a tad too long. the conversations dont seem to flow naturally. Try making them closer together. it will making the story move a bit faster and helps those jokes be a lil funnier. remember the main thing about being a comedian is the DELIVERY.
main points
-take more time on animation and up the FPS
-try to condense the script and make convo smoother
Ya for sure, personally i thought a few conversations dragged on a little too long too, you dont realize until after the scenes animated then its kinda too late. And next time ill get my bro to make me some background noise/music because it really helps move along the slow scenes. But i showed it to my buddies quiet a few times before uploading and they were on the floor laughing saying everything was perfect so i took their advice and uploaded but im glad im getting some good feedback from you guys and constructive critism, thanks a lot bro, hope u see improvements with the next one! :)
Well
I usually read authors comment before i watch a flash, so i understand your motives behind this, and i shall offer you some critisism cause you asked for it so nicely.
First off, as you already stated, sound and animation is not that great, and i understand why you dont want to focus to much on that, you wanna be a comedy writer, but here in lies the problem. The pasing, voice acting, and animation took out the edge from alot of the jokes. It became sluggish, and at times well, kinda boring. I found it hard to keep my focus up long enough to catch the jokes hidden inbetween the fillers and stuff.
And sure i think dick jokes and the likes are fun stuff, but when everything starts revolving around it (spewing, tits, dicks and gay jokes) it starts to get a bit old.
Have you thought about trying to find a animator along with some voice actors to write for? You said you wanted to be a writer, and whats better practise then trying to work with some people over the net? Not only do you gain the experience at working as a team, you also gain feedback, and a hopefully higher quality overall.
All in all i found it a decent flash, but the sloppy animation and sound sorta took lots of the edge of for me.
And for the record, one of the points of being in comedy buisness is trying to be either original, or surprise people. ThreeD did offer you some serious critism only in a very sloppy way. You want to improve, then dont flip of your audience, even if their views on things are in direct contrast to yours.
Thanks.
LOL, ThreeD was actually the only one I flipped off on cause it was getting annoying, im usually very laid back and accepting of the nasty comments, i am the creator of junkyard animations so im used to the criticism :P
but yeah, u do raise some good points... i just dont think id be able to find an animator whod want to animate a 30 minute flash for me lol, id be better off pitching a script to t.v. after considering it and revising it over and over, this episode was just a test to get some good feedback... thanks for yours bro! :)
Yay!
I seriously dig this entire scene here (all three parts) around such a common cliche group. And I mean that. My senior class is like that, where if you ain't talking about little Peters and Pussy cats, you ain't human. And the lesbian loving teacher? Just like my physics teacher; loud, careless, and lets us know every time when he blows wind. Girls in my class? Think just rude the girls in your video speak. My friends? If we ain't cussing each other out every other minute, we're looking out to massacre other jerk wads who just don't seem to understand the word courtesy and skinhead (yeah, its that disfunctional.) But hell, it works for society.
As for the video factors itself, not bad at all, and not to be rude at all JYA, but ever since you've been making flash vids, I haven't really seen any change from style, humor, and voice. I think your kind of predictable now with your work, but I think some kind of spark for spontaneous out-roar lies within your mind somewhere. And one last review: try to work around your audio quality. It sounds (how do I put it?)..... obsolete.
Either way, I'm a satisfied viewer (as you may also see because of my lengthy review), so I'll leave it at that. Good Hunting Mr. Lubanski.
werd up, glad u enjoyed it... and yea i agree the animation and sound quality isnt the greatest but its tough to improve on those two things when your teaching yourself, and i do this for free so i dont really have extra time to put into great animation i want to focus more on comedy writing
hehe
okay i enjoyed thiss one better than the last one
sick dog!