It's ok.
I wouldn't exactly go as to put this on front page - but then again one of my shitty movies has been on front page.....ENJOY IT!
I smirked with the titties part. Also funny when he was already naked by the computer.
Your art is fine just the way it is. Don't listen the the reviewer that you responded "ouch" too. Your art was perfect for this. Ummm
My suggestions - maybe go for a bit longer OR! If your going for the short and sweet spots make sure to fill our mouths with cavity's on the sweet.
Good job for front page though.