I enjoyed that
Its a short story but not a bad one imo, certainly a creepy dream. Were you the eyewitness or the guy with the gun? :D
I dont think it was too long. Given the title which is well chosen the build up suspense is needed. Also the music works fine, Im thinking you could have chosen some scary music, but the mood of the song you did choose is more that of a dream.
I gave it 5/5 for the style and generally because I enjoyed it.