Hm.. not sure what to say..
The voice acting wasn't bad.. I mean it's good that you had it but it shounded like the words were being slurred or it could just be the sound quality. The Graphics were alright, but also falls short of a flash "comic" because of the presentation.. It was really hard to get into the story line. Perhaps the best way to present this would be an actual comic layout (panels not pages), or ,alternatively, you could take time (sad to say ALOT of time) and do research on animation.