Good too look at, bad to listen to
Again, sound is a huge blite to this piece. Here's how to try and fix:
I noticed that you're useing a condencer mic. Becuse of it's design, Ps and Bs and other explosives have that poping sound. When recording, talk over the mic, not into it.
Also, keep the same distance away from the microphone at all times. Try to use a stand of some sorts rahter than holding the mic with your hands.
When useing music in the background, turn down the music. Playing music and vocals at 100% each will always drown out the vocals.
Also, feel free to encode the audio at a better frame rate. Yes, it takes a bit longer to download on dial-ups, but at least you'll be able to understand what people are saying.
When you have wonderful graphics and crappy sound, people will remember the grappy sound and look down at your work.
Hope this helps!