Not bad
This piece isn't that bad, but I have just a few suggestions...
I would suggest considering the use of chords instead of a constantly moving melody. If you really would like to invoke an emotional response to a piece it has to pushed forward using dynamics, a strong bass line, and well balanced chords. It also is a bit too choppy. Try a more legato style. Towards the end it becomes almost staccato. One final thought: try adding a strong emotional climax. This will set you up for a nice ending.
I liked this piece and I think with a little work you could become a great artist. If you would like, send me an email sometime. I'll be looking forward to your next piece. :)
-wolf_fire