Really not good.
Well, the first thing that hit me was a complete disregard for spelling and grammar. Seriously, if you want to impress your audience, start with the simple things, the obvious things. About 10 seconds into the story, the word your looking for is "their," as in "their feasting and loud noise awoke Grendel."
#2 - This has only a slight hint of following the story of Beowulf. Tell me, did you read the book yourself, or did you get a summarized paraphrase from one of your buddies?
And lastly, and a nice sized nail in the coffin for this one was the voice acting. Clear speech and pronunciation are key. Remember "swamp" is pronounced "swahmp" not "swemp."
Better luck next time.