Decent Effort however....
I think that for long movies it would be better if you had a scene selection or fast forward option. Another way would be to cut it into parts. Otherwise even the most engrossing flash can be a tedious and boring when it starts getting to 10 mins long.
I also think that story is very good. The voice acting could use more work. But maybe you just don't know any girls? If you do know girls, please get them to do the girls voices. Also, remember that the SPEED at which you talk is very important. For more serious scenes, TALK SLOWER. It builds suspense.
All in all, I think it is a fairly good effort. Just keep working at it. Especially two those things I talked about. Good luck!