I really didn't like the colors.
Next time, try to make it look more professional. It's cool how you had descriptions of the characters, but they weren't very good. About the colors, try to use like, a white background, and make the characters the right color (AH-yellow, pico-white guy orange hair, strawberry clock- red with yellow seeds...I liked how you included the tank, but it wasn't pulled off that well. You have good ideas, but they dont show too good in your work. Just keep practicing, you'll get there. Basically like the other guy said, try improving everything.