Very good
Aside from the problems you have pointed out, this is a very good song. You are getting better, friend, I do hope you'll keep p the good work. Take the time to step back and watch the world, how everything interacts with each other, take the time to notice the little things, like that random flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk, or watching the sunrise/sunset. It'll come to you in the most subtle package at the right time.
Best of Luck, friend, and may your music move the hearts of millions.