I'm semi-impressed
You've taken on a fairly difficult topic, I commend you for that, but being quite a poet myself, I say that the fault of the Flash is not in your Flash skills (I loved the music, you're going sentimental on me)but in the actual poetry idea part. It's not easy to work with deep emotional stuff, and I have seen many many sorry attempts. Of all the sorry attempts I've seen, this is one of the closest ones I've seen to actually pulling it off. Keep trying. Your understanding in emotions will grow if you're truly interested, but it will take awhile.