Actually, what you have is not bad, and indicates that you have the ability to create great stuff. The problem with this, though, is that it's unfinished.
Please don't submit tests or unfinished things to the Portal. If people submit unfinished things, then this will become an unimpressive site. Would you hang out on a site where none of the movies are completed? Think about it.
If you want feedback and tips, that's fine, but this isn't the best place for this. The Portal is for finished items. The Forums are what you want. Load this into your Dumping Grounds. It's the third icon from the left at the very top of the page when you're signed in. It looks like a bucket with an arrow pointing down. Once it's loaded there, copy and paste the link into the Forums (Community>Forums). That way, people see it and give tips, which is what you want, but it's not in the Portal, filling your account with low scores or blams, which you don't want.
http://www.newgrounds.com/wiki/help-information/content-submission (Remove any spaces)
Good luck.