Too much "waffle".
Wow, this needs an overhaul - seriously, some MMOs don't give you that much of a tutorial in how the game works. You've shown us Drake's life bar, then forgot about it for the rest of the episode, so that can be cut as unnecessary. The lines which blur between you needing voice actors and you not needed them is blurry, which really needs to be addressed. With them as they are, you will find that it really irritates people unless you go one way (voices for everything, including thoughts, but with a little effect, to make them sound as if they are echoing within his head) or the other (no voices at all).
There was a lot of unnecessary filler material in this episode, which dragged the plot out to approximately 2.5 minutes, but I'd recommend that you take steps to put more substantial filler in there, else people will start to notice the plot holes. Better voice acting is a must, as is defining the characters through making them look different. Not their uniforms, as then they stop being "uniform", but giving them different hair styles, shapes of faces and so forth. These little touches make all the difference.
I feel that in this episode, you need to be ruthless and spare nothing from the wrath of a director, sending waves to the cutting room floor, speeding up the plot and getting towards the next art of the story. I hope that by the time we get to the 30s, we can start to see improvement of these episodes.
[Review Request Club]
