Stupid fast moving text! lol

Okay, so i've noticed you've already been given plenty of crap for this one, so i'll try the best i can to give you some good tips.

First of all, SLOW DOWN SOME OF THE PARTS A LITTLE! lol Yes I realize you meant for it, but it's a little distracting to have random words pop up that you have to watch his like thirty times before you can even catch one of the words. This is mostly for near the end.

Also, the replay button at the end is a little touchy, you should probably make it easier to actually click on. I do like the look of the button when it's hovered over though.

In the beginning the gun doesn't seem to even be attached to the person lol

Anyways, not awefully terrible for a first submission, just keep working on it. =3

-Review Request Club

Needs more work

For a first flash this is decent, nothing more but nothing less. I can see you put some effort into this, as the graphics are far better than what you usually see when an authors claims a submission is his "first flash". You also had a story line, which is also a plus point for you.

However, the graphics where pretty sloppy most of the time and the lines where flickering all over the place, which makes it quite difficult to watch.

Also in the beginning the text wasn't placed too well. I mean the font size was ok, but it was hard to read at times because you wrote with black lines over black lines. I think it's better to not draw out the text like you did but to simply use a keyboard. This makes the text more readable and it gives you more space to type out your message, as you simply don't need to write so big to have a readable text.

Also, it is too fast paced sometimes. I know, this is intended, but it makes the text very hard to read, which isn't any fun at all.

Adding to that, the flash ends very apruptly. At first I thought my browser was messing up until I saw the word "end" in a corner. Together with the music also stopping there, it feels as if the flash is just unfinished and that you meant to add more to it.

{ Review Request Club }

Too short

For a frame by frame, this is an animation that starts with low expectations, I'm afraid. I think that you've got a good concept, but it just seems to me that you bailed out before the flash could be completed.

What it needs is some colour! Once the Eku Dance Sock has been used, perhaps this would mean the guy has suddenly discovered a new lease of life and the colour is symbolic of it. Change the music to something dance like and upbeat, giving him the chance to show off his moves.

Even if you show some crappy dance moves from generations past - the twist, the bird and all of that, some break dancing, for example, it would take it further. What I'd suggest is that you get a voice actor, who can deliver such a punch, that the piece sounds like it needs to be sold, then turn it into an advert.

"Only $29.95, hurry now, stocks are limited!" Put some sort of disclaimer up there to say that the 0800 number isn't real and that you're not actually selling these things... yet ;)

I can't really mark you for having anything more than potential at the moment. Give it a shot, you can do this!

[Review Request Club]

Very poor quality...

I must say I didn't like this cartoon at all,
The drawings were bad, the animation was horrid.

I know you mentioned that you used a mouse, and we shouldn't blame you for the quality of your drawing due to that.

Frankly I can't sympathize with that argument. Some of my early work was done with a mouse, and alot of prominent animators on the portal still use mice, since they can't afford wacoms... Yet they still are able to produce decent animations/drawings.

You also mentioned that the art style was intended, and that is a fair argument,
however just because poor work is what you were going for doesn't make it any better.

The replay button at the end was in dire need of a larger "hit state",
because without that it was extremely frustrating to use...

I couldn't dig the concept either, and I felt it was too short.

Next time work on your drawing, animation, & narrative,
& you will have a better product.

Thanks,
- Celx

Not bad.

Its pretty good for your first flash submission. Next time, make it a bit longer and maybe add a little more to the plot. I liked the animation though! Keep it up!