Tired of waiting?
Click here to disable ads!
You are not logged in. If you sign up for an account,
you can gain additional voting power over time, allowing your vote to have an even
greater impact on submission scores!
so here is my 2nd flash.
i am uploading what i have right now because this can be a long story. if no one likes this now i know that i have to make my next part waaaaaaay better.
mario world is invaded by bowser. this part is an introduction on the story so the real action start beyond here.
i hope you enjoy this part en just like my previous submission:tips are greatly apreciated.
Well, besides the complete lack of animation, I have a bit to complain about.
Heres a suggestion, try looking over your flash before you press export, there were quite a few spelling errors and grammatical errors.
Most of the movie, you know, besides the people jumping and walking for 10 seconds with tweening, was spent completly stationary, with sprite movie clips running, and sometimes not even.
Storyline and originality, the last possible redeeming feature wasn't even there. I mean, give the audience some credit.
Ergh, I won't even continue.
My constructive criticism?
Look over your flash again, get rid of the text errors, and re-submit it. Maybe some other people will look at your flash and say "Hey, its mario, I'll give it a 5." Otherwise, I truly doubt this is making it in the portal.
Pace it up
That long scene where Luigi and Mario are talking needed some major fixes. For a start you can't have people just reading text for that long, you need to animate them walking around, or have some different camera shots (panning or zooming), perhaps flash some images across the screen to illustrate what they're talking about or at least cut out any necessary dialogue and keep it short and tight. (I suggest all the above)
These suggestions applied to most of the animation. You can be both dramatic and fast paced. Make the text bigger, and make sure you stop all sounds at the end.
Other than that I look forward to the full thing.
Not bad...this is what i would change
Your text is to small and goes by to fast to read all of it. a button to press to go forward in the text would be better. Less background and more detail would make things look better also...
Looks like tho for your second flash your not doing to bad...
Keep it up!
I almost voted 4....
Positive: You said you were inspired by Rise of the Mushroom Kingdom and Mario Brothers - two sprite flash classics. From what you've shown so far, this one has the makings of sprite flash classic too. The premise of the plot is similar to Mario Brothers, but you used 16-bit sprites like RotMK. Your flash technique flows well and your ability to create original backgrounds is also developing nicely for only your second flash. Also, the action towards the end was flawless and dynamic, not something you see from most second offerings, even sprite offerings. This effort shows how hard you worked, but having said that, there things you need to consider for the next installment.
Negative: If you insist on using subtitles, like Mario Brothers instead of actions gestures to tell the story like RotMK, you need to work on your spelling. I held back from voting 4 because words like "untill,: "al," and "an(d)," simply don't cut it. No one says you have to be a grammartician, be correct spelling is nice touch that seperates you from the rest of the Noobs here. Also, continue to work on your backgrounds. Your originality is nice, but you could have used a little more time to touch things up. You had a chair in the scene with Mario and Luigi that went right through green border of the floor, and only a plain black background, which was only broken up by your original building design. It was also a bit shorter than I would have liked, expecting more of a story, or at least a hint of where Peach is. On the flip side, however, that just helps build more anticipation for your next offering. Remember - better spelling, better backgrounds, and a touch longer.
This has all the makings of another dramatic Mario sprite classic. Dynamic Pass!
7 out of 10 starts, good work.
It wasn't too bad
It seemed to flow pretty good, but I would suggest that you bring the camera in closer for the dialogue portions. Maybe even voice acting/lip syncing if you can.
I'll vote 5 to protect this, because it's really not bad, but it just needs some work as far as the dialogue aspects are concerned. Other than that I felt it was pretty good.
A short film about a park bench
newgrounds.com — Your #1 online entertainment & artist community! All your base are belong to us.