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Devin Hester is so fast, that he is actually the one who gives kids their Christmas presents, not Santa. Santa got lazy and needed someone with some speed to make sure that every single present would be sent in exactly one second. Devin Hester had 1 spare second left when he was finished.
This is a heartfelt, emotionally driven tribute to the man who makes everyone happy, with the exception of a few football teams in the National Football Conference.
Do you remember how Appalachian State defeated Michigan? It was actually Devin Hester who blocked that field goal. He went so fast that no video camera picked it up. Do you remember the Chinese man who stood in front of the tanks at Tianenmen square? Devin Hester swopped in and saved that man from being shot. It happened so quickly that no one caught footage of it. Do you remember that time you were playing poker with the guys and then some asshole flopped a royal flush? Devin Hester rigged the deck when everyone WAS looking.