Score: 0
"Ooi..."
date: November 18, 2009
---SPOILERS AHEAD, NOT THAT YOU SHOULD CARE---
You, uh, wanna explain that travesty to me? Okay, let me break down my main complaints here...
One -- religious bullshit. Keep it out of the game. It serves no purpose and is just plain obnoxious, especially when it's present in vital items.
Two -- our protagonist. Seriously? "I don't want to get my fingernails dirty."? That's just stupid. And, come on... this girl was really in the force? She's a ditz beyond measure. I'm not saying quirkiness is bad, I'm saying you're not keeping things consistent with reality, or with themselves.
Three -- the puzzles. Holy shit, the puzzles. This is my biggest complaint. These are, bar none, the most unintuitive puzzles I have ever seen. Being locked INSIDE a car and not just using YOUR GUN or your KNIFE to break the window? A totally nondescript wall that you need to chisel away? With a pocketknife? Having to COAT A TEDDY BEAR IN OIL TO OIL UP A SWITCH? And that goddamned fishing rod. Nevermind that fish don't eat bananas. Nevermind your combine system is unintuitive and flawed... how on Earth are we supposed to work out that we have to combine a banana, a knife, a rope and glue? Were you really so hard-pressed for ideas that you needed to do THAT?
Four -- voice acting. We get it. Dan is Solid Snake and Delia is ditzy girl. Now can we please get some actors (and I don't CARE if some internet superstar voiced Delia) who don't overact everything they say?
If you really can't get these very basic ideas under control, stop making games. Your animation is halfway decent, but you cut corners and over-exaggerate simple movements like breathing. Finally, you commit the worst crime possible in point-and-click adventure games. You make puzzles stupid for the sake of pseudo-difficulty. I don't know if you think you're some kind of big-shot or something, but here's the deal -- you're not.
