I have died of Dysentery.

[Elios]

An epic tale of Elios, and his shitty adventure.

(Grab some fiber bars, this will be a while)

The day started like any other day. I was up at 9:00 am, and getting ready for work. My breakfast consisted of
2 eggo waffles (w/ syrup)
1 large bowl of Rasin Bran
1 Bananabread muffin

At 10, i was at work. And today was "New month day", which basically means we have to clean the ENTIRE fucking restaurant, for the new month menu. My jewish boss, Wayne, offered me lunch at around 2 (by offering, he said "Gimme $5 and i'll get you somthing). So, my lunch was

3 slabs of pizza w/ extra cheese
1 bottle of water
1 Crumb cake muffin from Wegmans

Nothing eventful happened from 2 until 6:10. So i signed out, and i started getting those "poopy pangs" in my stomach. telling me "Yo! You gotta take a SHIT!". Now, i'm the type of person who takes EXTREME measures to shit in public. So i nulled it off, and started walking home. Which is about a 3 mile trek.

So, walking home, ignoreing the battle of the titans going on in my bowels, i distract myself by perfecting my "Blockhead's Consious" impersonation on the way home. I'm about one mile from my front door, when all of a sudden, annoyance becomes PAIN. So, i preform what my teacher in medical school taught me, and did "Labor breaths'. So, here i am, walking down the sidewalk, huffin-n-puffin like a pregnant lady, holding in a shit that consists of too much bran, fiber, cheese, and other not-so-nutrisious ingredients.

I'm slowly, but surely getting home. I pass my ex-girlfriends house, when suddenly! an idea! I'll hop the wood fence, which will save me at least a good 10 minutes of walking. I enter "stealth mode" and creepy-crawl around a back yard. I get to the fence, hop over, when suddenly, the worst possible thing that could ever happen, happened.

I farted.

So loud, i couldn't help but laugh. And when that laugh left my mouth, i heard several voices shouting "Who the fuck!?! What the fuck was that Edna!?!"

Mind you, my neighborhood consists of dead/dying elderly people, who remember a time when cars were "The cat's pajamas".

I'm running the home stretch, another 100 ft, and i'll be sitting in the bathroom. I get inside, and i'm re-enacting a scene from "24". My ass is a bomb, and i'm a guy who defuses bombs. I sit down, and all hell breaks loose, but i don't care, i feel good.

Now, here i am, sitting in front of my computer, waiting for the next attack wave. So remember everyone, shit. and Shit often.

[Officer]

At 1/31/08 10:33 PM, Elios wrote: So remember everyone, shit. and Shit often.

I stopped reading there.

[The-Omnipresence]

I hoping this was a thread about The Oregon Trail. Because then I would have told you to ford the river.

[Timmy]

At 1/31/08 10:50 PM, The-Omnipresence wrote: I hoping this was a thread about The Oregon Trail. Because then I would have told you to ford the river.

Nah - your oxen always die when you do that...

[Me-Mighty-Leper]

So remember everyone, shit. and Shit often.

I stopped reading there.

Probably because it was the end.

[XD0042006]

I don't shit anymore. Therefor, I'm superior.

[zone12]

lol kiniaa funny

[Elios]

Good times.

[swaenK]

At a 7-11 once I let go a huge fart that turned bad because me and my friend always have farting contests. The girls standing in line laughed at the shit stain that soaked through my shorts which I threw in the garbage. Good times.

[PsychoticMind]

You should've just let it go?

[mightypotato]

At 1/31/08 10:50 PM, The-Omnipresence wrote: I hoping this was a thread about The Oregon Trail. Because then I would have told you to ford the river.

Too risky. I'd try to get the Indians to help. That is, if you play as the banker.

[NightmareFire]

That's like the time I farted in Math class, one of those "Silent but Deadly" ones.

Everyone blamed the fat kid behind me.

[Lotus]

That is too fucking good man, just try not to blow some shit out! XD

[Bolo]

I like it.

But then again, I would.