No, not the program Fireworks, but the greatest activity during Independence Day. See, here in America, we take pride for the 4th of July, and we show that pride by getting drunk, grilling every animal imaginable, and blowing some shit up (GOD BLESS AMERICA)! But as always, the Wicked Witches of the Midwest, otherwise known as soccer moms, have cramped all of the fun out of the holiday. How you ask? In various cities, counties, and even whole states, various fireworks are illegal, and even something as simple as possession alone can land you a hefty fine, or even jail time! And of course, the same goes for Los Angeles County, where only small pockets of towns allow fireworks. But wait, there are legal fireworks. For example, my town allows fireworks that do not explode, or fire into the air, basically leaving us with snakes, smoke bombs, spinners, etc. And to this, I say: WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?!?! I'm not 8 years old, and I am not amused or entertained by some wimpy little spark shooter or pussy smoke bomb. I want to see a mortar shot about 300 feet up, hear that bang, and sit in awe at the wonderful display of colors assembled by some Chinese labor factory!
But then again, we're given the option of watching a fireworks show. In fact, my school is throwing a fireworks show, and since I live about 4 blocks away, I guess I have to go. People say that these shows are a fun and safe way to get the same thrill of doing your own fireworks. Yeah, tell that to the people at the last show I went to. Last year in Aurora (right outside of Denver) Colorado, we had a show right near the mall in town. It was an ok show, until towards the end, one of the shells in the cannons exploded early and knocked another cannon on it's side. It send a shell towards some of the people, and exploded about 30 feet from a big group of people. Only a few people got seriously burned, and most of the other people just got temporarily blinded and deafened by the accident. So whenever I hear people say that shows are a lot safer, I'd tell them to ask the people who were in that crowd.
Well, shows are considered safer, because you always hear of some idiot blowing their hand off every year. In fact, some guy out here lost a hand on Sunday after a fire cracker went off while he was holding it. So because of other's negligence, I cannot do them? In the 10 or so years that I've been able to do fireworks, I've never had anything close to an accident, or even a slight mistake. The boxes tell you what to do, and if you're half-way smart enough to follow instructions, then you should be fine. But of course, you'll get the idiot who shoots bottle rockets out of his mouth, the losers having a roman candle war, and the moron who ties 20 M-80's up. So because of them, nobody can do fireworks? I can make the same argument that people cannot handle cars properly, and cars are a hell of a lot more dangerous than fireworks, and we use cars everyday!
But then I thought there was hope. Times were that you could go to some of the beaches out here and do some fireworks. But because of pollution and public safety, you cannot do them there. Well, what about Nevada? Nevada allows any type of fireworks you can legally buy out there (in some deserted parts, which there's a lot of), but right now, the main highways from Southern California to Nevada are closed due to wildfires. But did fireworks start the fire? Nope, natural causes! So what can I do? I guess I'll sit on my roof, and watch the stupid show at the school, and maybe look around to see other shows that should be around the area. But I still hold the opinion that it is my privilege, no, my right, NO, MY DUTY as a proud American to take my matches and lighter, take that wick connected to that mortar shell, light that wick, run like hell, and blast one into the sky for the brave people who died so that I could risk life and limb for a 4 second explosion of color, loud bangs, and that annoying-ass whistle sound! George Washington himself must be turning in his grave to see that he defeated the British, only for us to not be allowed to shoot some bottle rockets and black cats! This is an outrage, and I for one am not going to let the soccer moms ruin the best holiday behind Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and Halloween, and New Years.... ok, one of the best holidays, just to be left with a measly little box of snakes and smoke bombs! LET'S CELEBRATE THE 4TH LIKE REAL AMERICANS!!!!
Yeah, exactly 4000 characters above if you don't count this sentence!
