Bobby Robby Robinson is just your ordinary person that people feel weird around. Sitting at his usual table in Taco Bell, he leans over and inspects his food. You would not guess that he was tall since he was hunched over. He hunches because he is insecure about his long pointy nose. Another reason people give him the look is because he is missing an ear. He cut it off so he could be like Van Gough. He regrets it every day. That poor old Bobby Robby Robinson.
Horse burrito with a Chuck Norris action figure was always his favorite even though he’s thirty-five. He’s eating alone there once again as he does every day of his sad, weird, worthless, despicable, rotten, almost dead life. He hears a yell from the other room which sounded like Amy Whinehouse. Just then, a big, hairy, tall, stinky man walked out of the bathroom after cleaning it. The man goes up to Bobby Robby Robinson and slams his left hand onto the table. The man yells, “This that bull bull. I’m done with this job. They need to get someone else to get it.”
The man runs out with his hands on his hips. Bobby Robby Robinson goes up to the counter and asks what that was about. The manager’s eyes pierced Bobby’s heart. He replies, “We asked him to get the secret sauce, but he was tired of this ‘bull bull’ ever since Jack slapped him with a ham yesterday.” Bobby looked puzzled, dazed, and kind of hungry for more burritos. He yelled, “Shut up and get me more Mexican stuff.” The manager replied, “No wait, the author needs a plot!”
Bobby folded his arms, gave his sassy black woman face, and his stomach grumbled by the power of Taco Bell. He then asks, “What do you want – I need to go back to loitering and ruining your bathroom walls.” The manager replied, “I need you to go to a Hawaiian volcano and get us more sauce.” Bobby was hesitant. “What’s in it for me,” he asked. “ISIS will die, cancer will be cured, and no one will ever be murdered again,” the manager replied but Bobby did not give a rat’s tooth. The manager then said, “You can have half of the sauce for yourself.” Bobby leaped in joy and started singing Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Everyone was annoyed by it so Jesus himself came in, gave Bobby a wedgie, and kicked him out the door. A talking dog named Dale was near the trash can and saw the whole thing. Dale said, “You have a good singing voice. Can I follow you for your entire life just like every other quirky character? Please? I need this man.” Bobby said, “Did you just talk?” Dale replied, “Don’t question it. Just accept it. Just let it happen.” Bobby replied, “I’m a believer.”
Bobby asks, “Do you know where Hawaii is?” Dale says, “There’s a boat nearby, filled with the SJW navy heading there to yell at the volcanoes for oppressing them.” Bobby replies, “Seems legit. Let’s go!” Seeing as how the Taco Bell is dangerously close to the water, they saw the boat getting ready to leave. Bobby exclaims, “Uh oh spaghettios! We got to rush!” They notice a crane lifting boxes onto the boat. Bobby says, “Hey it’s just like a movie, except nobody would ever want to turn this tragic story into one.” Dale says, “Okay let’s jump onto the crates and—“ Bobby interrupts, “Shut yo pie hole. We know how this works by now son.” They hop on the crates and make it in.
Bobby and Dale don’t realize what a bunch stupid, dumb, buttery, popcorn eating, no muscle having people they are and were caught immediately. A fellow SJW sees them on top of the crate and proceeds to yell, “Get off that crate! You’re hurting it! Don’t make me triggered!” Bobby sticks out his tongue at them and flaps it around. Dale yells, “Go ahead, make my day.” Bobby remembers that people called him Pinocchio in 3rd grade and said if he lied, his nose would be a massive machete. He never tried it, so he blurted out a fib. He said, “My parents love me and I totally didn’t eat part of the wall in Taco Bell.” Just then, he felt like he was going to die, but the pain made him strong and he flexed his whole body, squatted and his nose elongated into a sharp, beluga whale shaped form. He then turned this story PG-13 by decapitating everyone with it. He and Dale ran to the pilothouse.
When they got there, Mr. Clean was driving and so they dumped chocolate milk on his shirt. Mr. Clean then flailed his arms and screamed like Justin Bieber getting hit in the groin. He then jumped out the window, thinking that the sea would clean him, but then a mermaid burst her tail through his gullet. However, at least the blood didn’t get on his clothes. Dale said, “What just happened.” Bobby uses his logic and says, “Don’t worry, this is normal for a Chris Schroeder story.” Also, Dale knows how to drive now, because SCIENCE!
It took many seconds of having only Smash Mouth CDs on the boat to entertain them, but after 2047 minutes, they made it to Hawaii. Bobby said, “Let’s go get that sauce.” Dale replies, “I can’t go, I’m a dog. I have taught you absolutely nothing. Good luck punk. Swag.” Bobby says, “Well fine then you shake n bake.” Bobby cries at the loss of his donkey rip-off. He got over it in 1.23 seconds and ran up the volcano with hands on his hips. He then says to himself, because he’s lonely, “Jumping down here seems like a GREAT idea.” He then jumps down and breaks his left nostril on a hardened red liquid which smelled like Taco Bell as he landed onto a rock.
He then sees the great, might sauce boss that everyone knows as Jesus. Jesus says, “Hello person who suddenly intruded into my smelly home of which I have only one rock to walk on. Tell me do you like McDonalds?” Bobby says, “Eww no! That bull bull make people fatter than Trump’s 7th chin roll.” Jesus says, “Do you like Taco Bell more?” Bobby replies, “I love it more than a grandpa loves yelling at his kids to turn that satanic music down.” Jesus says, “Then you’re worthy of this crappy, cheap sauce. Now take it and fulfill your really odd and borderline depressing dream of working at Taco Bell.”
Bobby returns to Taco Bell, leaving that nasty, flea having, dusty dog on the beach. They thank him by giving him sauce and a job there. He gets fired 2 days later for trying to stick ham in the toilets.
THE END
