Dad Jokes

[Wegra]

Lets hear some of your favorites

"Hey Dad I'm Hungry"

"Hi Hungry I'm Dad!"

[FUNKbrs]

At 2/16/17 04:08 PM, TheQuietGamer wrote: Here's a good one my dad tells me every now and then.

"Son, you are a huge disappointment. Your face makes me sick. I don't love you. Everyday I wish your mother and I had been smarter, gone with our gut, and gotten that abortion. It would have saved me so much heartache. I look at all the other fathers with their cool sons and wonder why I couldn't have been that lucky. Obviously, I am totally aware that you are stupid, so most of what I've been saying has gone over your head. So I'm going to put it as simply as I can. I hate you. I hate you with every ounce of my being. Nothing would make me happier than if you finally realized what a waste of life you are and killed yourself. Now get out of my sight."

Gets me every time. He's such a kidder!

What's the joke? This is exactly the kind of sound parenting I grew up with. This kid's gonna grow up with a healthy sense of self-hate. You know this dad isn't going to stand for any participation trophy.

[GallowJolt]

I've just destroyed this thread, sorry

[iscrulz]

At 2/16/17 05:13 PM, FloorAesthetics wrote: I've just destroyed this thread, sorry

Nice one Dad.

[Kiwi]

I fucking love dad jokes lmao

[Mopsicle]

At 2/16/17 03:52 PM, Wegra wrote: Lets hear some of your favorites

"Daddy, I'm cumming!"

"Hi cumming, I'm Daddy."

[MuramasasEdge]

Mom told me this story about how I was conceived.
She said Dad stuttered to say her name while he finished.
My mom's name's Noela.

[Goreguese]

Son: Dad, Am I adopted?
Dad: Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you.
-
Son: Dad, how do stars die?
Dad: Drugs, usually.
-
Dad with his son are watching a movie when a sex scene begins
Dad: Son, leave the room please.
Son: Dad, but I'm 23...
Dad: I don't give a fuck how old you are, you're not going to watch me jack off.

[axehandle-stain]

Son: Dad, I think I have autism and can't relate to other human beings!

Dad: I raised you wrong on purpose!

[StaticSkull]

Why can't you hear a pteradactyl piss?
The p is silent

[StaticSkull]

At 2/19/17 05:44 AM, Zornuzkull wrote: Best dad joke...

What the fuck

[Boomstick]

Hugh

Mungus

[Decky]

Dad: What happened to the hippo that was drowning?

Son: What?

Dad: It drowned.

Son: Fuck off!

[StaticSkull]

If you make a april fools joke, is it your lie in april?

[Kiwi]

At 2/19/17 05:44 AM, Zornuzkull wrote: Best dad joke...

omfg ewwwwe lmao

[billybobthwarten]

*i show up with a face injury and complain*

dad: how's your face feel?

me:fine, ok, whatever answer

dad: it's killing me!