Trouble with smoking cigarettes

[FUNKbrs]

Since I was 14, I've had trouble with smoking cigarettes. I try and I try, and no matter how much will power I have, I just can't seem to reach my final goal when it comes to smoking.

Like right now, I've got half a pack of cigarettes I just LEFT on my nightstand. If I were a better person, I would have remembered to take my cigarettes with me so I could have a smoke on my breaks, but nope, I'm piece of shit.

A piece of shit who can't seem to start smoking.

I'm always forgetting, slipping back into my old childish habits of not smoking, of not wanting or craving a cigarette. Even when I go out of my way to smoke half a pack of Freedom Sticks, I wake up the next day and those cravings still aren't there.

How am I going to get the manly rasp in my throat a real man my age has? If a chemical gas attack happens tomorrow, will I be protected by a healthy layer of tar lining my lungs? These questions are rhetorical.

I feel really deeply about achieving my goals with tobacco. Advice?

[larrynachos]

Keep not smoking. Smoking is for losers.

[Jercurpac]

At 8/26/15 05:36 PM, larrynachos wrote: Keep not smoking. Smoking is for losers.

Humphrey Bogart smoked and he was categorically not a loser. He died a horrible cancer related death like a real man and it was all thanks to smoking.

[Bit]

That's because smoking is for people who hate themselves, FunkBRS.

And you don't hate yourself. You hate everyone who isn't yourself.

[Makakaov]

Is that some kind of satire thread, or you're just trying to explain to us why you're not a mod anymore?

If it's the first one, I really am intrigued what's the point, on a forum full of douchebags like me, who don't appreceate truly intelligent jokes?

[EyeLovePoozy]

If I forget my smokes anywhere it is a literal fucking emergency. Precious few things would delay their replacement, nothing would stop it.

You need to get on my level Funk.

Light one up right now and suck all that liberty DEEP into your chest.

[stafffighter]

You should get into e cigs. That way you can start puffing in a public place and hope for someone to call you on it. Your propensity for shit stirring would be a natural fit.

[KalebKore]

Get rid of your other worldly possessions, therefore all you have is smoking to get you through.

[FUNKbrs]

At 8/26/15 05:39 PM, Jercurpac wrote: Humphrey Bogart smoked and he was categorically not a loser. He died a horrible cancer related death like a real man and it was all thanks to smoking.

Seriously. You know who didn't smoke? HItler. Hitler didn't smoke. He was also vegetarian.

At 8/26/15 05:43 PM, Bit wrote: That's because smoking is for people who hate themselves, FunkBRS.

And you don't hate yourself. You hate everyone who isn't yourself.

This is a place where I am often misunderstood. Hate comes from inside. Self hate is the first step to self improvement. Can you ever truly hate someone else if you don't hate yourself first?

At 8/26/15 05:44 PM, Makakaov wrote: Is that some kind of satire thread

Satire? Sarcasm? Totally not my thing. I'm powerfully serial on this.

, or you're just trying to explain to us why you're not a mod anymore?

Two words, no spaces: IRONFIST.

If it's the first one, I really am intrigued what's the point, on a forum full of douchebags like me, who don't appreceate truly intelligent jokes?

I don't think you understand how much I want to be cool and smoke cigarettes. I mean, there's even a brand CALLED "Kool". Is there a "Kool" brand of air? NO. NO THERE ISN'T. At 8/26/15 05:39 PM, Jercurpac wrote:

Humphrey Bogart smoked and he was categorically not a loser. He died a horrible cancer related death like a real man and it was all thanks to smoking.

Seriously. You know who didn't smoke? HItler. Hitler didn't smoke. He was also vegetarian.

At 8/26/15 05:43 PM, Bit wrote: That's because smoking is for people who hate themselves, FunkBRS.

And you don't hate yourself. You hate everyone who isn't yourself.

This is a place where I am often misunderstood. Hate comes from inside. Self hate is the first step to self improvement. Can you ever truly hate someone else if you don't hate yourself first?

At 8/26/15 05:44 PM, Makakaov wrote: Is that some kind of satire thread

Satire? Sarcasm? Totally not my thing. I'm powerfully serial on this.

, or you're just trying to explain to us why you're not a mod anymore?

Two words, no spaces: IRONFIST.

If it's the first one, I really am intrigued what's the point, on a forum full of douchebags like me, who don't appreceate truly intelligent jokes?

I don't think you understand how much I want to be cool and smoke cigarettes. I mean, there's even a brand CALLED "Kool". Is there a "Kool" brand of air? NO. NO THERE ISN'T.

At 8/26/15 05:57 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: If I forget my smokes anywhere it is a literal fucking emergency. Precious few things would delay their replacement, nothing would stop it.

Like an inexorable force of beast nature. I must become this beast.

Light one up right now and suck all that liberty DEEP into your chest.

You think I should try to bum one in the parking lot? I need to get a pouch of rollies, because true cowboys roll their own.

At 8/26/15 05:59 PM, Entice wrote: You get addicted faster if you smoke them rectally

Finally. Thank you for your actually HELPFUL advice.

[PussyShark]

Brother, I am currently on my 155th day of not smoking. The struggle is real for me. I can't even seem to pick the damn thing up. My weakness is my shame. You are not alone.

[Makakaov]

At 8/26/15 06:11 PM, FUNKbrs wrote: I don't think you understand how much I want to be cool and smoke cigarettes. I mean, there's even a brand CALLED "Kool". Is there a "Kool" brand of air? NO. NO THERE ISN'T.

But nowadays smoking weed is more cool than smoking cigs, so if you just care about being really cool, then become a junkie. But wait, there's more! You can go ahead of your times and redefine coolness with more abstract forms of activities for insecure people who have to do something cool and fitting to feel better about themselves. How about injecting some toxins into your bloodstream that BOTH make you high and leave some visible dirt under your skin, making a random shit looking tattoo?

[TheJamoke]

How 'bout you just man the fuck up and stop whining like your balls are made out of pussy? The Funk I know wouldn't let a little thing like willpower or common sense get in his way. He would start smoking every minute of every day. Chaining like a mofo. At parks and movie theaters and on public transportation, anywhere that pisses off random people. And for no good reason other than the sheer, unbridled, seething hatred for humanity pumping through his veins- the motivation behind his every action and the reason he gets up in the morning.

And if nothing else, do it for Sanjay. He'd want you to succeed. *pours 40 on the curb* Gone but not forgotten.

Have you tried coupling it with on-and-off alcoholism? Science has proven you smoke more when you're drunk. It might help.
Godspeed.

At 8/26/15 05:57 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: If I forget my smokes anywhere it is a literal fucking emergency.

This with gusto. If you are not willing to pull the e-stop chord on the train because you dropped your pack on the platform, then you ain't doing it right.

[FUNKbrs]

At 8/26/15 06:18 PM, PussyShark wrote: Brother, I am currently on my 155th day of not smoking. The struggle is real for me. I can't even seem to pick the damn thing up. My weakness is my shame. You are not alone.

Last night I discovered my cigarettes were in my van instead of on my nightstand. I hit rock bottom. I hadn't smoked in so long, I literally didn't even know where my smokes were.

At 8/26/15 06:56 PM, Makakaov wrote:
How about injecting some toxins into your bloodstream that BOTH make you high and leave some visible dirt under your skin, making a random shit looking tattoo?

Slamming junk is so 1898. Opium mixed with wax in the vape or GTFO.

At 8/26/15 07:43 PM, yurgenburgen wrote: smoking is bad for you
you shouldn't smoke
why would you do that to yourself, FUNKbrs???

Live to die, die to live.

At 8/27/15 03:40 AM, TheJamoke wrote: The Funk I know would start smoking every minute of every day.

I used to smoke cigarrillos without first dumping the tobacco out. I used to roll Zig Zags out of a tobacco drum. I know I can do this.

Have you tried coupling it with on-and-off alcoholism? Science has proven you smoke more when you're drunk. It might help.

I started brewing hooch a few years ago, but having the same problem. For whatever reason, I just don't get blind stinking pirate drunk like I should. I used to light people on fire with absinthe. Although to be fair, I still have a liver of stone and a stomach of steel, it's just I can't get drunk because of tolerance so there's not really a point in having the first drink. I drank a gallon of 20% a few weeks ago and was still sort of sober

This with gusto. If you are not willing to pull the e-stop chord on the train because you dropped your pack on the platform, then you ain't doing it right.

I remember the glory days of shaking the half smoked tobacco out of old ashtray butts and using it to roll and unfiltered dog-end of black-souled insecticide. I know I can get back, I just need to fan the flames of hate in my heart.

[Robotao]

If you like smoking, keep smoking.

If you do, then there will be slightly less competition in the gene pool, not to mention in the forums.

[WahyaRanger2]

At 8/26/15 06:03 PM, stafffighter wrote: You should get into e cigs. That way you can start puffing in a public place and hope for someone to call you on it. Your propensity for shit stirring would be a natural fit.

Aw come on man I'm not like that with mine.

[DoctorStrongbad]

More people should smoke. Most, if not all tobacco comes from the USA, and they need the money.

[stafffighter]

At 8/27/15 05:32 PM, WahyaRanger2 wrote:

At 8/26/15 06:03 PM, stafffighter wrote: You should get into e cigs. That way you can start puffing in a public place and hope for someone to call you on it. Your propensity for shit stirring would be a natural fit.

Aw come on man I'm not like that with mine.

No but the way you say that tells me you've seen exactly what I'm fucking talking about. We can hate those people together and be buddies.

[WahyaRanger2]

At 8/27/15 06:03 PM, stafffighter wrote: No but the way you say that tells me you've seen exactly what I'm fucking talking about. We can hate those people together and be buddies.

I only use mine outside or in my house.

I'll admit I smoke on campus even though you're not supposed to, everyone does, whether it be cigarettes, vapes, or weed.

They enforce food in the library harder than smoking outside anyways.

[Zombified]

My biggest problem with cigs these days are how damn expensive they are now.

[ThePulp]

At 8/28/15 06:56 AM, Zombified wrote: My biggest problem with cigs these days are how damn expensive they are now.

2 dollars?

BULLSHIT

[Tremulos]

Fuck, I haven't smoked in two weeks. What am I doing with my life...

[Prinzy2]

You're a disgrace to manhood! When I was your age I was smoking a dozen cigars a day! First thing before I got up was light a big fat stogie and the last thing I did before bed was light a big fat stogie! How can you fuck a gaggle of women without partaking in the lovely joys of tobacco? Or do you 'make love' to your boyfriend while not enjoying the fine taste of Americas premium tobacco? You sicken me.

[Zombified]

At 8/28/15 07:54 AM, ThePulp wrote:

At 8/28/15 06:56 AM, Zombified wrote: My biggest problem with cigs these days are how damn expensive they are now.

2 dollars?

BULLSHIT

Most expensive pack around here is 12 something Canadian.

[VicariousE]

At 8/26/15 06:11 PM, FUNKbrs wrote: You think I should try to bum one in the parking lot? I need to get a pouch of rollies, because true cowboys roll their own.

That was before they added shit-tons more chemicals into everything. Dried corn husk (near the cob) instead of rollyourown paper is much safer, but quite nasty.

Wouldn't be so bad, but they added more chalk (another known carcinogen) to all cigarette paper, so those (very few) shits that smoke in bed, don't burn down the building. 'FSC' near the UPC, means 'fire safety code', which means the government has the moral right to kill you quicker, under the guise of public safety. Can't wait to quit.

I smoked unfiltered Pall Malls in HS (rarely smoked the whole thing), never got hooked. One evening, someone offered me a square (Marlboro Red), then that was it, got hooked.

At 8/26/15 05:39 PM, Jercurpac wrote: Humphrey Bogart smoked and he was categorically not a loser. He died a horrible cancer related death like a real man and it was all thanks to smoking.

Same with John "The Duke" Wayne and Yul Brenner, poor bastards. I hope to quit once things settle down. I'll likely still die of cancer, but at least I won't feed the State tax beast |:

Every carton of filtered smokes, is about equal to one good-sized tobacco leaf.

[DoctorStrongbad]

At 8/28/15 11:28 AM, Tremulos wrote: Fuck, I haven't smoked in two weeks. What am I doing with my life...

You should get back to it. What is your favorite cig?

[Tremulos]

At 8/28/15 02:39 PM, DoctorStrongbad wrote:

At 8/28/15 11:28 AM, Tremulos wrote: Fuck, I haven't smoked in two weeks. What am I doing with my life...

You should get back to it. What is your favorite cig?

I didn't get around to trying many but my go-to was Marlboro Blacks. The main reason I stopped was because it started affecting my breathing during running tho, and running > smoking tbh

[Prinzy2]

At 8/28/15 02:07 PM, Zombified wrote: Most expensive pack around here is 12 something Canadian.

How much is that in real money?

[Zombified]

At 8/28/15 06:45 PM, Prinzy2 wrote:

At 8/28/15 02:07 PM, Zombified wrote: Most expensive pack around here is 12 something Canadian.

How much is that in real money?

I can only convert it to Monopoly :(

[cute]

Aye lad, i had my first cigarette when i was 14.

To be honest, i started buying them by myself (look old, voice dropped early, yeah yeah) when i was 15, and i'm 18 now.
Sooo that's like 3 years.
A few months ago i quit smoking for 3, nearly 4 weeks. I only got cravings for a few days at the start, and then like once a day for 3 weeks. But started again because i was bored.
Lame excuse but thats just the truth, i got bored.

But how you quit. Don't think about it, block out any temptation.
Keep yaself busy mate, do shit.
Don't hang around people who smoke for a week or so lad.
And finally, just don't fucking buy em man, if ya done with it get a vape, some nicotine patches, and chill.

[DoctorStrongbad]

At 8/31/15 09:25 AM, cute wrote:
But how you quit. Don't think about it, block out any temptation.
Keep yaself busy mate, do shit.
Don't hang around people who smoke for a week or so lad.
And finally, just don't fucking buy em man, if ya done with it get a vape, some nicotine patches, and chill.

They are several ways to quit. Quitting is not that difficult.