At 2/15/10 11:35 AM, Dubbi wrote: Childhood Ignorance

Interesting structure. I'm guessing you've done it to apply emthasis to each line. You could even say that each line is like one of lifes trials, because of the staggered way it makes you read.
Nice work man.

At 2/15/10 11:35 AM, Dubbi wrote: Childhood Ignorance

I was young too
Many years ago
Little, innocent boy
I used to be like you
But sadly, that was
Many years ago

Your childish smile
Had once blessed my lips
In the forgotten days
Of nostalgic childhood
But for no one
Life skips
The bad
The vile
The unfair
Life's a
Trial

With the jury
Unanimously
Against you
But little boy
Don't get blue
Life has not yet
Gotten to
You

The structure of this is really neat...I have a cool idea for this. I think I will mirror it. You shall see!

I think I've begun to develop a style.

Liar

New Year's Eve
Such a festive
Day
Fun and parties
While your soul rots
Away
Oh and your solution
All curing magical
Resolutions
Which you stick to
As well as water
Stays to my elusive
Hand
Your futile
Plan
A castle of
Sand
Against relentless
Waves
Of sin and gin
Envy,
Gluttony and Greed
Digging your own
Graves

My first rhymeless poem:

Words of Wisdom

In days long ago
My father told me,
"Look towards the sky
and there's nothing
you won't achieve."

A wonderful prediction
Which I took to heart
And in all my endeavors
I thought of his words

But words meant nothing
Not a meaningless thing
When I entered the real world
And confronted destiny

My father words failed to
Get me what I desired
A job
Friends
Money
Happiness
My dreams

And for many years
I rejected his words
They were Forgotten
And tragically dropped
In the edges of my mind
In an internal abyss

But one day I remembered
The true meaning of what he said
Just looking to the sky won't do it
You have to reach for it instead

This one is more experimental, comments would be appreciated!

Depression

Here I lay
Here I lay
Along this long
Forgotten bay
And wonder
Oh how I wonder
How I've gone astray
Yes, today I lay
By this bay
Depressed
Dejected
Disturbed
Oh, but yesterday
I stood
How I stood
On the hills
The white hills, with
Thrills,
Fun
And Play
But today
Is not yesterday
And today
I stay on this bay
And lay

There's been virtually no feedback....

My child's tears

If a flood of water
Brought the pain
Of one tear by you
We'd all drown.
And if rain said he
Could ever equal
The utmost agony
Of your sad eyes
Rain would be
Full of lies.
So don't cry
Cause when
You cry
I also cry.
You may not see,
But in the inside
My tears hide.
And if they were
Seen by you
I would fear
They'd make
You very blue.
And your smallest
Ounce of sorrow
Make me not
Want to see
Tomorrow.
Cause when you
Cry
Inside
I die.

A very experimental piece I wrote very quickly.

Anarchy

Life is dancing
We are dancing
Here and there
Everywhere
Chaos, confusion
Structure's
An illusion
Merry go
Round
Merry makes
Sound
A cacophony
Of life
We spin
We spin
And sin
And sin
Oh please
I plead
Pass the gin
The ride won't
Stop
And now we
Drop
The rollercoaster
Of life

REPLY!!!!

Grief and Friends

A Bleak stormy night
Clouds thunder and roar
Invoking great fright
The skies lament
And tears are sent
Spiraling down sadly

But, beautiful bird
Do not feel badly
Soon they'll be light
So kind bird resting
Peacefully on the tree
Don't fly away
From, lonely, me

The rain will depart
Because underneath
Weather has a happy heart
And beauty's her true art
So don't fly away,
Please stay

At least until
The end of night
When the smiling sun
Starts to shine bright

At 3/17/10 06:02 PM, Dubbi wrote: REPLY!!!!

Grief and Friends

A Bleak stormy night
Clouds thunder and roar
Invoking great fright
The skies lament
And tears are sent
Spiraling down sadly

But, beautiful bird
Do not feel badly
Soon they'll be light
So kind bird resting
Peacefully on the tree
Don't fly away
From, lonely, me

The rain will depart
Because underneath
Weather has a happy heart
And beauty's her true art
So don't fly away,
Please stay

At least until
The end of night
When the smiling sun
Starts to shine bright

Tragic, really. I could go on and on about the metaphorical meaning behind this poem, be it a one night stand and the narrator is just a lonely guy who bagged a girl for the night, or the day a mothers son finally leaves home, and for the mother it's like the world is coming down around her, but really, I don't think any of these meanings are what this poem is really about. Instead, I think what you've done here write quite a simple piece that portrays hope and desperation, through environments and personification. Good work man, I always enjoy your stuff.

At 3/17/10 07:55 PM, ShortMonkey wrote:

At 3/17/10 06:02 PM, Dubbi wrote: Grief and Friends

Enjoyable poem. I cannot relate to it as much as other people though, so I couldn't grasp the full meaning of it.

why are almost all poems on NG about sadness? :P

Because we're all emo kids deep down lol.
And what are you talking about? Mine arent about sadness XD

Not the world's happiest poem....

Suicide

Upon this day I cast lament
And my last farewells have been sent
All my sins, I now sadly repent
For tomorrow I'll be no more

Undeniable, are these facts
Broken, are the sacred pacts
Tragic times bring desperate acts
For tomorrow I'll be no more

Oh, what a solemn life
She's dead, my tender wife
But, free I'll be from this strife
For tomorrow I'll be no more

Something a bit more experimental... Comments?

Nihilism

Any man who's sat where I'm sitting,
(In an uncertain state of security -
Knowing you're secure
For you're in a place
Where you can securely be insecure
Because the security of money
Shields you from superficial stress,
But not against the danger
Of a Philosopher's thoughts
Murdering your sanity)
Is sure to know
That Nietzsche
Wasn't kidding.