I'm really digging the sound design you have going on here. It's a nice stereo mix, and there's a lot to keep you interested. While this takes awhile to get started, it does homage to the original with your percussive elements. I think this is all about atmosphere, and you do a good job creating it! I really like the ritardando, it was pulled off well.
A few points to consider: The piece cuts off without letting the last note decay. Also, the ending/parts of this piece feel a little bit repetitive to me, but that's also the nature of the song that you decided to remix, so I can't fault you too much for that. I like what you have going on here man! You can definitely use the skills that you're working on in this song for a wide variety of applications. Keep up the good work!