i want to walk under this track!

Not bad

Its pretty good for a demo, it sounds good, just continue to tweak it and keep up the work and you got yourself a good future here.

good mixing, bad melody

what the title says. sounds pretty good channel wise. if you make a new melody its got some strong potential. the melody you have right now isn't that good though lol. also try adding in some other drum stuff in addition to just the kick.