Almighty guitar riff, but still not quite there...
That is easily my faveourite guitar riff, and I would love it if you sent me the tabs. But I think you still need to improve it. These things will improve it:
A chord riff
less techno drum rythym
please lose the techno bit at 1:52
clearer lyrics would help
just stay as far away from techno as you can and move back towards indie
I hope this helps. Thanks