Its OK. Its a bit of fun. It doesn't work totally because a couple of the words are not as you have described- you asked for adjectives in places where they would not be adjectives. Never mind- I got this:
"In their new book, The Art of the Deal, Robert is to have said that COVID-19 is 'They were all stupid', which many have seen as a rather red opinion. Experts have called on The UK, where The Art of the Deal has been published, to take action, as Robert referencing i-phone as part of the problem to COVID-19 may cause ugly among the population.
President Donald Trump today quoted the book in their election speech, in what can only be described as sloppy. The President is considered to be a long time sister of Robert, both of them having worked together in farmer. We are unsure if The UK will take any action against the book, or it's authour.
We did reach out to Robert to ask for their thoughts, to which they reiterated that 'i-phone is to blame' going to to say 'but the cure, it's not to stop i-phone, it's to use toothbrush with it, and we can treat those who have it with table'.
Robert has taken out a patent on table, and intends to sell it for $four, but doctors say this table is sloppy and won't work as a result.
We here are The Times do firmly believe that Robert is a true moronic and will go a long way.
Alan - Health Editor
I do like the music- it adds a certain sense of urgency to the news !