"What can change the nature of a man?" Regret. But if men are made in the image of gods, can the answer be the same for a god?
Short of Planescape: Torment references, which always call for a response, I appreciate what you've done here. After watching the walkthrough, I decided that your description of how the game was created is entirely truthful. It occurs to me that the reason this game is so hard is not because it's random and outside the box. It's because the path through the game reflects the processes of your mind; something most of us are not familiar with. It's actually pretty brave of you to give such an honest depiction of the things you struggle with on a personal level. As someone who has written thousands of pages about a world that doesn't really exist, wonders if it will ever be important to anyone but myself, I enjoyed seeing how you rendered your own unique world. As game , Antumbra is confounding, but as a psychological audio/visual experience it's certainly moving. A bit like American McGee's Alice.
The game is certainly hard, and the content is disturbing, but it must be seen to be believed. The graphic and sound styles are effective and unique. If there's any advice I can give on future games, it's try to make the game play a little more accessible. Challenging games are good, but there are too many puzzles requiring this stubborn sort of faith. The hallways of rattling doors, the fire (which is a speed puzzle), the masochistic archangel, the desert... it's not so much as being clever enough to find the answer, but stubborn enough to keep doing something over and over and over and believing that it will still work. A lot of players will give up and try something else, which is misleading if they were actually on the right track. Try to send the reader a bone every now and then. For example, when you get out of the water, there could be a a series of messages telling the player, "Your cloths are soaking wet."... "You seem to be drying quickly."... "Your clothes are now dry again." This would at least give the player the idea that being wet is somehow important, and that something has to be done pretty quickly if the water is to be of any use.
On the other hand, someone once described insanity as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result," so maybe there's a method to your technique. I have to wonder how many of the things we see in this game are stream-of-consciousness and how many of them have some meaning for you.
Thanks for letting us in for a while. I enjoyed watching the walkthrough too. Some people don't like watching artists discuss their creations, but I do.