Actually, what you have is really good. The animation is smooth, and everything's reasonable well drawn, for what it is. Looks like you've got what it takes, and I look forward to seeing a real animation from you in the future!
In the meantime, tho...
Please don't submit tests or unfinished things to the Portal. If people submit unfinished things, then this will become an unimpressive site. Would you hang out on a site where none of the movies or games are completed? Think about it.
And that's what makes this one such a big problem: it's COOL!! Now, everyone will want to send thru their unfinished bits and pieces, and I doubt they'll be anything like this.
If you want feedback, tips, and ideas, that's fine, but this isn't the best place for this. The Portal is for finished items. The Forums are what you want. Load this into your Dumping Grounds. It's the third icon from the left at the very top of the page when you're signed in. It looks like a bucket with an arrow pointing down. Once it's loaded there, copy and paste the link into the Forums (Community>Forums). That way, people see it and give tips, which is what you want, but it's not in the Portal, filling your account with low scores, which you don't want. I doubt this will get a crappy score, but when you get a finished one up, ...wow; I expect great scores!
The Portal isn't for tests or unfinished submissions, tho: http://www.newgrounds.com/wiki/help-information/content-submission
Keep working at it, and I know you'll bring us something great!
Good luck. :)