The art is decent, though blending for distance could be a bit better. With that in mind coloring and setting is relatively well done.
The voice acting was horrible (Sorry), it needs more range of emotion (Different pitch, better script for what to say may help).
Sounds & Effects - I know it takes time, effort, and money, but the sad thing is good sound effects and blending of them with the voices both in and out of sex scenes truely make a video. I'd personally love to commision an animation but sadly at this point I'd have to have someone else do sound.
The general point here is, the more effort and love you put into it (Even this XD) the better it will turn out. And in turn you should get more commisions/donations.
Extra thoughts - The one thing I see lacking everywhere is an adult animator community, there are people who like to do it occasionally and others who frequent making content. It would be awesome to see some of you guys working together more often, it should help you all to improve and to drive an audience as well as potential backers between you all.