Reviews for Episode One

[Sekker]

Animation is good, fluid. Sound is pretty good. The jokes TAKES FOREVER. "Oh I'm Mr. Olmen. " '45 minutes later" Nope, not 45 minutes, it felt like a f*** hour.

You don't need a 1 min intro. Just reduce it a little bit, reduce the lenght and fasten the pace of the script.

During that joke you could use a series of sharp cuts introducing the caracter (graphic humor [ The mayor, his mother etc) with a resumed part of the joke. You don't have to show every line of dialogue.

I know It's probably a tribute to the 60-80's sitcons, but I was bored to death.

The caracter design, Jack and Al are way to similar and have no chemistry together, a little bit of variety on their traits could remove it from the current estate, a monologue.

shineon responds:

while i appreciate your feedback, i hardly think that swearing at me is entirely necessary. i would love to see your work sometime, so that i can get a better idea of how to write a show

[5Camo5]

It's like AL was a bully to Mr. Ullman back in high school, and still continues to bully him haha.

shineon responds:

that's like exactly whats its like, except from the time they were wee tots. thanks for the feedback!

[TylerMackey]

Why Stop There?

"Hello 911,
This Is Mr. Ullman Speaking. My Mansion Is On Fire And I Need The Firemen To Come As Soon As Possible." His Mansion Won't Be On Fire And He'll Get Fined For Prank Calling The Fire Department. :D

shineon responds:

that would be a very good idea...IF mr. ullman wasn't in complete control of the local police and fire department

[H1PPY]

a lot of potential here

shineon responds:

thanks, i appreciate the feedback. one episode down, sixteen to go