I actually kind of like this one. Then again I'm a huge fan of stories with a tragic bend to them. Your ability to tell this little story without dialogue is also a plus as with animation and sequential art you need to let character speech take a back seat to actions and surroundings telling the story. What gets me is how few people even attempt a tale like this... and a great many fail in the process. In fact using changes in the scenery to hint at goings on the "The Real World" was a nice touch.
The character details themselves are quite good and unique. The only problem is that sometimes the blacklines appear on the characters themselves (then again for all I know expecting that to not happen may be me expecting too much out of a hobbyist or animator in training.)