Reviews for Brother & Sister Short 1

[missedtarget]

Let me say, right off the bat, this is going to come out meaner than I intend it to. Two things are my pet peeves in flash animation, 1: lengthy "made by" animations. That said, you do have a skip option. Here's a better idea: if that's even a concern, dude, shorten that mofo up. 2: Too many credits. You made this. I get it. You do NOT need to list yourself for every conceivably related task. You don't need the ego boost of seeing your name multiple times in your own animation.

Now, as to the short itself... These are the jokes of a man who has only the most rudimentary understanding of what is funny. Sorry, I couldn't really think of a nicer way to say that. The art, that I hesitantly call your style, is kind of a cross between Southpark and... well, kindergarten drawings. I don't mind the idea of stylistic, over-simplified art, but the key factor of that art is that it is a SIMPLIFICATION, not a misrepresentation. The arms that jut awkwardly out and then go straight down are actively distracting because it's... wrong. Kindergarten drawing wrong.

Critiquing the funny:
This is what I would refer to as my "thing," so I humbly offer my advice, for what it's worth. First off, these characters don't work for comedy. Like, at all. The brother isn't dumb enough to be dumb-funny and the sister is a walking cliche of "know-it-all, always-right" comedy that has NEVER been funny. Even Lisa on the Simpsons only worked as a straight man. And STILL no one liked her.

The unfunny in the conceit: you need to have the paper be about something. If it's not about something, you just end up making vague "that's kind of dumb" references. Like using lol in a paper. That is not funny. Also, don't be afraid to take it somewhere. This is comedy. You take it to the absurd. Take it to the crazy and the mean and the edge.

Let me give you an example:
Unfunny version:
Sister: "He spelled this word three different ways in this paper."
Brother: "Ha, he is dumb."

Funny version:
Sister: "He was talking about the stock exchange and then just kind of went on a two-page long rant about the jews."
Brother: "Well, they do eat Christian babies."

Unfunny version:
Sister: "He used 'lol' in this paper."
Brother: "Ha, he is dumb."

Funny version:
Sister: "He used 'D2F?' a bunch of times... What does D2F mean?"
Brother: "'Down to fuck?'"
Sister: (beat) "I... I just threw up in my mouth a little."

See, if you're got a very down-to-earth conceit, you need to really press to get any humor out of it. The contrast is part of what makes things funny. The reverse is also true, by the way. But here, it's a boring conceit that you didn't really do anything with. There's a lot more I could go in to, but I don't want to be a bore. PM me if you're interested, otherwise, I'll wrap up.

And finally, your animation...
Actually wasn't bad. Pleasantly smooth. Kudos.

Aqlex responds:

Whoa, what a long review! But, I appreciate it, it's always nice to hear about all the specifics that one likes/dislikes and thinks could be improved or built upon. I'm going to try and respond to each of the things in here, and maybe explain myself a little on some of them.
First, yeah, I realize that little logo animation is a bit long, and I did provide the skip for it. I do want to make it something simpler and shorter one day, but I've been putting off making a new one due to laziness. I will get to work on this eventually though.
The credits, it's a kind of template that I've been using forever now that I just copy and paste from each older animation, and change out the names. I definitely have myself in there too much (especially for this animation, I really had even fewer others involved than usual). That credits template deserves a rewrite as well, though again, it's been held back by laziness.
Now the art, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. It's definitely "wrong", in that it really doesn't translate to a human body very well at all. They were originally paper cutouts that I made when I was much younger, and although I do want to tweak them slightly, I really wanted to keep the general look the same, because I personally found the look to be somewhat fun and unique. None of my other animations really have a style quite like this one (although there are, of course, similarities).
Now, onto the comedic failure. I completely understand your advice for much of it, and I do understand why the extreme contrast and ridiculousness is funny, but I just don't feel like that's something I am trying to do with this animation (not in general, but with these characters specifically). I see what you're saying about having to press to get humor out of it, but I feel like that's the route I'd rather take with these guys. I want the characters to be down to earth (for the most part). I do love south park (I'm a huge fan), but I really don't want to take things as far as Matt and Trey would. If my characters die, they're going to stay dead (okay, Kenny has an explanation, but it's still one too out-of-this-world for what I want to do here). If my characters learn something or experience something, that's going to be there to stay. I don't want the Brother to be so dumb that he couldn't even realistically function. I also hope that the sister doesn't simply fall into that stereotypical caricature, because I'm hoping she'll develop into something a little beyond that herself (given a bit more screen time).
I do have a second short I'd like to do where I feel like the general concept (is that what you meant by conceit?) is a bit more fun, and where I'm going to have slightly cleaner versions of the characters, and I'm going to try to continue this down-to-earth thing. If that one still fails on all levels, I might reconsider using these characters again.
And finally, on the animation, thanks! I'm glad you had something you liked =P.
Thanks for the long and in-depth review, it's nice to know that there are people out there willing to write them, and I want to let you know that I appreciate it.

[Xoranes]

It's okay...

Aqlex responds:

That doesn't really tell me much =P. Sounds like it wasn't really to your liking though. I love reviews, but I wouldn't mind a little more depth to it, such as the guy above you. Still, thanks for reviewing.