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Reviews for "War of the Shyguys"

listen to the 6th-sage here. this guy has a lot of good pointers. and i have some of my own. a good thing to keep in mind is that not everyone knows what you are thinking, so when you hint at something you have to make it subtle, yet obvious enough for people who have never seen your work can get it.

another thing to keep in mind too, is to kinda veer away from the predictable like 6th-sage said. when the green shy-guy got kissed, i called it that he was gonna like the protagonist.

besides that, i can tell that you will keep getting better and better. no one starts being super awesome and perfect, is a process that requires practice. and you already have a lot of good points going for ya.

EASTBEAST responds:

Thanks for the tips and pointers.

Although I believe I still can improve just like everyone else, there are a lot of things he and you referred to that are more taste driven, and in my opinion are over-done as well in most story lines, such as a predictable twist, the second enemy plot, and doing something random for the sake of random (cutting a dogs leg off?) which sort of bore me out of their pointlessness.

Of-course that is what I mean about the opinion of taste. I enjoy a simple story line which I think I showed could be exciting as well. You don't need a ton of unnecessary twist and turns to keep someone entertained, I like to put that weight on the characters and the situations they are in, and that will do nicely more so.

Thanks for the review.

You have a very amazing talent for show and not tell. It is the pinnacle of movie direction to be able to show us who they are without telling us and you actually pulled it off. I'm impressed. You got me highly engaged into your plot by peeling through the story line like an peeling an onion - teasing us layer by layer until you reach the core. And you made a badass heroine as the protagonist, which was definitely unique. And you introduced her not by telling her what she was, but by showing us via her piloting skills, interactions and conversations, and indirectly pointed out how important family is to her.

While introducing the characters and engaging us into the plot is by far your strongest and most valued trait that got me hooked, there are a slight few things you could polish.

1. The plot in itself is quite incomplete, unless of course you plan on making it into a series. So the gist is that there's a mercenary who is trying to rescue her buddies and flashes a "Solid Snake" attitude. She is on a small vessel that gets attacked by a massive ship controlled by the Evil Shy Guy Generals. While you're good at engaging us and you're very good with camera angles, the plot in itself is very shallow and undeveloped. Protagonist on mission. She gets attacked. Evil general plots to destroy world (er... mushroom kingdom). She and a group of friends work to foil it. They win. Happy Ending. The end. WOW BEST PLOT EVER! Well, okay, maybe I'm being a bit too harsh, but I do have a few pointers.

*Twists. I point this out to a lot people actually, and rarely do people take my advice, but the ones who actually do have made drastic improvements (read my reviews). For example, when you are brainstorming ideas for the plot, if it pops into your head and you're impulsed to use it, don't. It's probably been done because it's obvious. Instead, think of something outrageous that most people won't have thought of. For example, watch Larry 2, he slaps his dog with the sword and tries to get it moving, but accidentally chopped his dog's leg off. Not only was it outrageous, it was outrageous enough to make us laugh at animal cruelty AND surprise us at the same time. Another example is the Castle Series on newgrounds, especially Castle C and beyond. He killed off the main character immediately, and then showed us he's not necessarily dead. He makes the characters instead of black or white a hint of grey. And the soldiers are not cannon fodders like you make yours to be. They are elitely trained. They fight back. They know how to survive in the wild on their own.

In your case, engage a few surprise elements and hide some things away from us. Let the series start out light, and then start killing off a few characters. Or do stuff no one expects. Let the protagonist not be overly dominant. Let them ALWAYS be the underdog and the bad guys should always win 2 times out of 3 at LEAST. Or else it's the cheesy good guy kicks bad guys ass with bad guys as cannon fodders. Watch Mega man vs Quick Man for how it should be done. They should be beat up, chewed up, and near dead before landing a solid, decisive blow against the bad guys.

And let the characters be a bit more unpredictable. Make unlikely alliances from enemies, and let there be betrayal, but never tell us who. What would have given me much more respect for the series is if you let the captured shy guy be loyal to the general and say he'd rather die than betray him and the mercenary doesn't kill him out of respect because of his loyalty.

Another surprise could be to use the evil General who is supposed to be the main bad guy only as a distraction. Unveil another bad guy, a much more evil and competent one. And the sugar on top could be that the bad guy is originally one of the good guys and you never expected his or her betrayal. And good guys become bad guys. Bad guys suddenly don't seem so evil and they have a change of heart. Reveal the pasts and motivations of each characters piece by piece. You're good at that.

I look forward to your next episode! If not, I'll petition for one!

EASTBEAST responds:

Thanks for the great review. That's why I make these things is to gain a certain amount of quality feedback and improve myself in general. These flashes for me are always stepping stones, so thanks for the plot cross examination and I really enjoy reading it. I think for this episode, I was enjoying a somewhat objective straight forwardness, but twists and turns are something I would like to improve on in the future. The sequel (whether or not I make it) would be a lot darker, and it is funny that you mentioned killing a few characters off. I do notice though that some twists just seem predictable after awhile and a bit cliche'd. Not all are bad though. I can tell you that the hypothetical sequel at this point would talk greatly about back story, unraveling painful memories, like of her father (I alluded to with a pic in the bios) relationship with Bazz, and how the General Guy would try to exploit those things to defeat her otherwise impervious dog-fighting skills- which I agree with you should stand a test too.

At this point like you said, I have a lot of places I could go with it, although if I did it would be entirely animated not sprited, which would take a lot longer. I don't plan to start right away, and I can tell you a part of me wants too, and reviews like this are huge encouragement to my work; though in all honesty I am leaning more towards my originals, which I hope you will review as well when the time comes. :)

Paper Mario, classic. If this becomes a series, it could rival Super Mario Bros Z. Hope to see more.

All in all that was quite good, but hwat killed it a little for me was the style of animation. It was too many different styles mixed together in my opinion. Sometimes it made the whole thing look a little weird. Nevertheless the voices were very well done and the story was cool, too.

F***ing loved it. I'ld love to see a follow-up.