I've been holding back reviewing this piece for a while because I feel rather strongly about it in many different ways. As a composition this is one of the best I've heard from you. It's a really admiral quality that you put a part of yourself into everything you do.
I can only really review in the sense of what I would personally do if I had to improve this in my own subjective way. Firstly, I feel the song feels quite flat. Everything seems almost piled towards the middle of the stereo field. The mix would really benefit from a lot more panning and stereo shaping. You're trying to create an atmosphere with a piece like this, so you want to transport the listener to the world you create through all these sounds and melodies. It's important to really create an atmosphere, a wideness that surrounds the listener as they listen. When I shut my eyes and listen, I want to experience everything around me in the song, I don't want the experience to only be in front of me. It takes away a bit of the magic and holds it back.
The mallets for me were too loud in the mix and had quite a sharp sound. With wooden instruments, they tend to create a feeling of warm percussion as opposed to metal instruments that create a colder higher-end sound. I think it's good to bear that in mind when mixing them to get the most out of it.
The vocal performance was generally probably one of your best to date. I know that you've gotten slaughtered in the past when you've gone out of your comfort zone. You're really learning to control your voice properly. You sound especially lovely in the chorus. In the past, your harmonies have tended to come across as overbearing at time, but they were really nice in this. Proud of you! Having said that though, pay attention to the ends of your phrasing. 1:44 for example... "niiiight. ..-t- t.. t". That could have easily been avoided by re-recording those harmonies and making sure they're exactly on time OR, even more simply, silencing the t's of the harmonies so it isn't just a layer of a lot of out of sync 't' sounds.
Basically, panning, stereo shaping, volumes and closer attention to vocal mixing are a good direction to follow in order to improve your piece and things to consider in the future!
I've never been too comfortable with being overly critical of peoples' work but if I think my advice might help a person, then I brush aside the insecurities. Seriously, your composition-style is really inspiring to me. Best of luck sweetie!! ^0^