The gameplay was really weak and short. There were some minor jump&run parts as well as really really basic puzzles.
If you're not doing real gameplay, do none at all.
The flash was really short, and scarce of any story at all. Grow up, overcome some hurdles and meet a girl doesn't really count as a story. Maybe if you had continued his life from that point on, but not this way.
Probably the best point of this flash. While the backgrounds looked really fine and atmospheric, the rest of the graphics was average. The whole color-theme of black/white/gray/red is more than overused, especially in combination with that artsy kind of flash games.
The music was nice but again more than overused in this type of games.
You created a lackluster art game, missing any kind of decent story or gameplay. Next time you should try it with a flip-book and focus more on the art.