From a viewers perspective
Solid worke and good story, but still a few problems:
I was really missing the music here, since there was no dialog or anything, to make the charakters fealings more evident. I know that this is a problem, mainly because of the copyrights, but since you're here on newgrounds, it might be possible to find someone to make it for you. Just ask, they won't bite. Music is always a good way to make things interesting and to indicate changes in mood or situation, like danger, lack of time or catharsis.
The scenes are thought out verry well, but still you leave to much space between the actions, making it unnecessary long. People are impatient. Always remember that.
A real problem was the text. I could barely read it in the time given. But don't give me more time to read. Either shorten the text to the essential message or make a cut and slap the most importent sentence right into my face.
You used the camerea and cuts pretty well to lead the attention, but you should use that even more.
This one might be a matter of personal flavour but a side profile long shot still isn't a good framing. I know it's alluring, since you can show a lot of things with it at one time, but still, it looks horrible. Think of tv sows or movies. It's pretty rare to see a side provile longshot. Most of the time they use a wedged knee shot and cut to a closeup, if they want to show something in particualr.
So, try to do more cuts and maybe even use focus to lead the viewers attention.
What I missed the most was a pause button. If you make somethint this long, give me a way to pause it. I don't want to watch it all over, when I need to answer the phone or get the door.
So on the whole, solid animation and good writing. For a start it's pretty good. If you want to improve on film making, read a little bit about camera angles and watch your favourite films while looking at these kind of things.
If you want to improve on writing, read books about script writing. I recommend Robert McKee's "Story". It's a good book, which is sometimes pretty tough to read, but it covers up all the important things you need to know about script writing.
So, good luck for the festival. You really have some potential.
p.s. I hope you guys excuse my bad orthography and grammer, but at the moment I have absolutely no neves to proofread this. I'll try harder, nest time. I promise.