Hey man, thought I'd share some points from the judging, hope this is helpful.
I had a difficult time judging this, because I felt it was like 30-35 seconds of contest-winning awesome and then you kind of fizzle out. You have a great Tim Burton / Danny Elfman quality to the opening; several other people created music-box textures like this, but yours was clearly the best.
I didn't like your brass entrance or ending here.. it felt like you ran out of ideas and went "ta da". Work on transitions, blending from one texture to another. You proved you can creat a compelling orchestral texture, the next step is to show you can chain them together and really take the listener on a journey.
Looking forward to hearing more of your work!