-Make the text readible. At that size, it was completely incomprehendible.
-When the characters say words like "fuck" and "cunt" you can see quite easily that you haven't really given them any characters, you've just given them generic dialog from your own mind. Give your characters personalities, and stick to them. It'd make it a lot more attention grabbing and worthwhile.
-On the other end of the scale you could scrap story completely, not have any dialog, and just have intricate battle scenes. It looks like you were somwhere inbetween the two, and it didn't really pull of.
Good work though! I like it. Do you make your own sprites, or is there a site where you can download them?