I heard this version right after the demo, and this is wonderful.
Here's what I recomend.
Try submiting a Techno and an Ambient version of this. It would be pretty interesting to see that. But if you were to keep this song like this version, you should make the transition smoother. Also, let the last note ring for a while instead of just cutting it off, that took away a lot.
Still, I really like this song!