Personally I really don't like the start where your moving they pictures up and down, it feels almost lazy in a way, you could just turn they pages instead of something that is kind of disorientating. If it were me, I'd just take photos of each page and add a very slow zoom in on each one as your talking about them.

The second half is better but I would recommend maybe playing about with different backgrounds (as in behind they drawings) such as the grayscale like colours that animatics are normally done in, maybe even they paper texture a lot of stick figure animation sometimes use.

As for your drawing style, it's clear that your ahh... not they best; but your a lot better on paper than digitally, maybe for they backgrounds of the second half you could draw them on paper first and then take a picture of them and draw over them (although if your using a mouse to draw you will need to just slow down your movements in order to get more smoother lines.

You have clearly spent a lot of time and hard work on this.
Nice work, keep making more stuff please ;)