I like the character choice in this, always nice to see these characters after all the hubub a few years ago. While I do think that the idea is cool I think you might need to work more on some little details (like maybe curving in Max's mouth so that it looks like shes sucking on it, rather then her mouth being slightly agape). Other then that the animation is pretty decent, a tiny bit of jank but that's it. I like the cum shot although maybe it'd be cool to see some dribbling down her chin? It only seems like you've shown one strand of it and thats it.
Audio wise you probably could use some ambient noises to cover up the sharp cuts on the (clearly male) sound dude making the sucking and slurping noises (and some voice rips from the game if you are so willing to do so). The sounds vary in volume and quality throughout and it can be quite distracting in its inconsistency. Maybe try and look for an audio pack of female sex noises, or maybe hire a voice actress? Really I do think that if you focus on the sound it would be pretty great in addition to the animation.