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Roommates - Pencil Dan

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That final battle really was something else! :) Feels like the backgrounds are kind of inconsistent (the one with the door and the jar of pencils... compared to everything else), but I guess that kind of goes with the series. Trademark inconsistencies. Always good fun though, keep it going!

-cd-

There's a lot of room for improvement here. Normally I'm fine with simple character designs, but man, most of the characters have the same head and body shape, just with different clothes. A good chunk of the animation was filled with tweens, if you're gonna go with a simple art style at least try to make the animation expressive. Most of the time the hands are just drawn as circles, which looks pretty lazy, and even when there is fingers they look really sloppy.The writing and humor wasn't terrible, but it wasn't that great either. A lot of the jokes just come from characters screaming which gets annoying fast, and the story isn't really interesting. The fight scene did look really nice, props to the guy who did that. You seem like you have a good amount of potential and I can appreciate the fact that you did a whole 11 minute cartoon, but you gotta work on your stuff more.

Most of the complaints I have towards this were basically the exact same ones I had for the last roommates episode. the animation sucks, none of the posing or framing is interesting in the slightest, the story itself is really unimaginative, none of the jokes really work, etc. there's two things about this that i would specifically like to talk about tho. first off, the animation Landon did. i think the mixing of the 2 styles is reaaaallllllyyyyy weird and awkward, especially because most of the time the change between styles is just completely random and not for a specific reason. there was one shot where one of the characters turned their head, with animation by landon, then when he wasnt moving and was just talking, it was animated by joseph. that doesn't work??? why even include his non-fight scene animation if it doesnt even have a reason for being there????? landon's animation itself is whatever, the fight scene looked fine but everything else he did looked really wonky and gross. secondly, i'd like to talk about the voice acting. none of the voice actors are good, but Gerardo's is the one i wanna focus on for obvious reasons. dan's voice is really annoying in general but something i noticed is that his voice never changes between him screaming and being excited from just talking normally. why though??? take a character like spongebob, who has a high voice. he sounds loud and squeaky when he's excited or yelling, but when he's speaking normally he's obviously calm and a little more monotone. you can't have a character talk in the same tone of voice for every emotion.

get better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

couldnt get past 2 minutes with all the shouting. learn about compressors,

Alright, let me elaborate more on my review from YT on the flaws of this episode:

The plot(which I briefly mentioned as one of the things wrong with the episode) was pretty simplistic, predictable and nothing special, really. Given the fact that anything could happen in a cartoon universe such as this one, there are many ways you could've at least twisted the plot to make it feel less like a children's cardboard book, especially since you got Dan, the logic twisting fourth-wall-abusing nut-job as the main focus(and the build up you had with PD coming to life and all). Think about the ways the scenario could go in your world, write them down, take out all the unnecessary details and choose the best most unexpected option instead of slapping your characters on a formulaic concept with little or no change at all and just going along with it.

I know people have been complaining about how underwhelming the voice acting is, and I agree to that, but instead of talking about the whole cast, I'll focus more on Gerardo's performance on Dan since he has the most lines in this episode. I get that he's supposed to give off the "energetic wacky" vibe, but the way he tries to go from one emotion to an extreme other comes off as more of a "yelling in a loud environment to get your attention" feeling instead. Gerardo, your a cool dude and all, but pleas try to practice and experiment some more on the tone without it going too "S1 monotonous" nor "S2 Constant Screaming Mode". Even the extreme needs its restraints. (I'm aware of the fact that some of his lines are re-recorded, but that doesn't change anything for the better)

LIke I said before, its not too bad, but could've been better, which isn't a surprise considering how MMM went, so I never really got my hopes up for it in the first place. I know, it sounds pretty harsh, but I'm only doing this because I see potential in your work, and I want you to grow as a great cartoonist.

Credits & Info

Views
1,521
Faves:
5
Votes
150
Score
3.62 / 5.00

Uploaded
May 26, 2018
11:16 AM EDT
Genre
Comedy - Original
Tags
  • Daily 3rd Place May 27, 2018