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>be me

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Medals

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be atomized 5 Points

all according to plan

be bloodninja 5 Points

ED is a serious issue

be dog 5 Points

you really like dogs, don't you?

be dreaming 5 Points

thank god the dog was just a dream

be eminem 5 Points

just talk to the girl already, jesus

be spaghetti 5 Points

split your head in gamestop

be suave 5 Points

woo the gamestop girl

be treats 5 Points

a nice guy tries to give a gift...

be inspected 10 Points

who eats in the middle of class?

be not poop 10 Points

ew, you wiped it on your clothes?

be philanthropic 10 Points

get your fannypack back from the dog

be prepared 10 Points

get outta gamestop without issues

be rudolph 10 Points

fuck yeah, cheetos

Author Comments

A short text adventure about a day in the life of a neckbeard. Try to find all 13 endings!

I whipped this together in about 15 hours after learning about spaghetti stories, so some of the jokes probably aren't on point, but I wanted to be done before Christmas so I can start on some other small stupid games (that I will probably post here on NG)

Instructions:
>type be me to begin
>type look for hints

Edit: Since people are having troubles getting around:

Here are all the verbs you need:
Go, get, give, wipe, eat, pet, kick, fuck (or sex), and lift.

PS. The medal descriptions are also pretty hinty.
PPS. How the fuck did I nail Scar's medal, yet fuck up the poop medal?

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ok then

Some hints: for both "be philanthropic" and "be prepared" you have to "lift cape" at some point.
for be Rudolph you need to fuck your cheetos

this actually really hillarisly cooley crazilly funny

Stuck on Be Treats

why cant i fuck the dog