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I like the characters. It's pretty funny, but it needs to be compressed. Just take your best material and leave out the rest.
Clearly a lot of effort and love went into this project. I enjoyed the animation, it fit nicely with the tone and style you were going for. I also thought that the character designs were distinctive and represented the characters well.
My main criticism for this animation is that the writing isn't that strong. The pacing of the story is slow and we spend the first four minutes without the story progressing at all. I understand that you were aiming for a "clerks"-esque sort of intro where we get to know the characters but I don't think it should be at the sacrifice of telling the story. It made it less like a complete story and more like a series of tangentially related sketches.
That being said, I enjoyed the animation style but I think that the writing is the major issue with this. If you were to strengthen up the writing/jokes I could definitely see this series gaining traction online.
Good luck and I look forward to seeing future videos.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I agree about the writing. I think there's a catch 22 in making a TV show. Until you've made one that you wrote, you won't know how to write one. Which means the first one you make and write is going to kind of suck.
I think this episode picks up a lot in the second half. But if I were going to write it again, I would write it differently.
The one thing I took solace in, is that all pilot episodes suck. And grading on that curve I felt like we could have sucked a lot worse. So I'm hoping our future episodes will suck less.
Thank you for watching and commenting.
deez nuts booy, not huge on da animation,
Subpar is haunted by an evil spirit on Halloween night!
A short animation about some glorious ice creams
Luigi Beware, You're in for a Scare...!
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