Pokemon Darkness Ep 4

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Here's the next episode. I'm glad I finally did it (I'm lazy). I feel like I'm developing the story nicely and I think you will enjoy it. I'm making even more custom sprites and backgrounds then before and I am very satisfied with what I made. I feel like this video may bring me a step closer to making something amazing.

Anyway enjoy the movie.

P.S. Don't forget to give constructive criticism (I may eventually stop asking)

P.P.S. Someone I met mentioned that Dumbird could mean like a dum girl. I felt a bit embarrassed from that. :(

I have extended the movie by adding more scenes. This movie is version 4.1. Episode 5 will continue from where this left off.

Whoops I did it wrong. Here is the proper version.

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Very good

bro pidgey is a normal and flying type but why is brick break not effective?

anyways awesome episode looking forward to the next

dumbird responds:

Theres always one little detail I don't notice. thanks

i like new films of this

Hey Dumbird, I got your message, sorry for the late reply.

Basically, Tj said most of it in terms of reviewing, Although I will try to supplement it in my own way.

I feel like there is more you can do with Andrew as a character. Don't be afraid to build your series around the fact that he doesn't know anything about this new world- I am sure even things like a computer would freak him out! That is probably one of the strongest facets of your series thus far. You seem to be going down a similar path as the anime (Collecting partners). Sometimes, try to deviate from the course of the anime, and maybe focus on the main characters struggle more, or what true purposes the supporting characters serve. Subplots of each episode would be good. I wasn't sure why the rocket broke into the house at the end, or if that was suppose to be a sort of cliff hanger. Like I have mentioned before, developing your bad guy's motives are very important! Give us some insight into upcoming conflict, and avoid vagueness like Tj mentioned. I can't say I learned anymore about Team Darkness now than before. Andrew being a protagonist should want to know more about the world, and not be afraid to ask questions.

Finishing on a positive note, I like what you are doing with the sprites, like the city was well built for example. Things like mudkip and the oddish were cute details. The guy with the white hair had a nice custom sprite too, which you showed me before.

I am glad to hear you are open to suggestions and improving yourself. Because of that, I think you'll continue to get better in your art.



dumbird responds:

Thanks for the review. I got an idea that would make a good excuse for why Andrew hasn't shown his enthusiasm yet.

I would like to give you a higher score, but I have to be honest in these reviews and episode 3 was definitely better. I think Esty already lectured you about the heroine. How she just abandons her life to join the hero for no reason, although I noticed you tried to salvage that by saying she just wanted to go explore the world. Still though, she could have done that on her own so we still have no reason as to why she chose to go with Andrew.
Speaking of the hero, he's awfully passive for someone who was raised in isolation and knows little about the world. He should be asking tons of questions about everything. Also, try not to rely too much on lines that tell us nothing. Like when the guy says "That's interesting" but the heroes don't ask why. Or when they ask him what he's doing but he says "that's my business". Why are they even trusting this guy who just jumps out of a tree and says hes here to help but keeps secrets? Especially when they know Team Darkness is gunning for them.
Overall, nothing interesting really happens in this episode and it suddenly ends just when it was getting good. When I write an episode, I try to give each one a self contained sub plot so even if the main story isn't advanced much, the audience can still get some kind of resolution.
-So in closing, if Anna is going to be in this for the long run, then she needs way more developing.
-Try to keep Andrew's actions based around his origins for now (ie: He knows nothing about the world but seems to have almost no curiosity).
-Using empty lines like "It's my business" or "That's interesting" without explaining is a terrible way to build suspense.
-And try to have each episode accomplish or resolve SOMETHING whether it's a sub plot or main plot.
Again, sorry about the low score but this episode is pretty forgettable.

dumbird responds:

I don't mind. The points you mentioned will give me a lot to think about. I still have a lot to learn in storymaking. Thanks for the advice.

Credits & Info

3.30 / 5.00

Nov 29, 2013
2:42 PM EST