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Headless Soldier

rated 3.83 / 5 stars
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Credits & Info

Jun 9, 2012 | 6:33 PM EDT

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Author Comments

I initially made this for fun but I'm deciding to make more of these "Character Story" for the rest of the characters from my made-up series "The Other Side".
Due to my poor writing skills, any spelling or grammatical corrections/critiques are welcome.
This is a "Character Story", which is a prequel and character side stories that will not be shown in my series/story "The Other Side".

This is the Headless Soldier's "Character Story", who is inspired by the headless horseman.

Music: Rule of Rose OST by Yutaka Minobe
Check out the rest of the characters:



Rated 2 / 5 stars

The art and story were pretty good, but there are more efficient ways of conveying a story. I think keeping the text and images separate really interrupted the flow of the story which was incredibly frustrating. Or if you think it'd be better to keep them separate, cut down on the amount of text.

Whenever the soldier was all, "Arghhh!!!!!!! Bitch!!!! You stupid whore face!!!!!" it felt repetitive because we kind of already know that he thinks the witch is a bitch. That is one example of text that could've been cut out without being to the detriment of the overall plot. Also, too many exclamation marks that make it dificult to take the soldier seriously.

I think with some more editing, this would be fantastic though.

exninja123 responds:

thanks for the critique!
I'll keep that in mind for the future! :)


Rated 5 / 5 stars

A very intriguing story of a man blinded for his eternal life and the usual evil witch deal, cant wait to see what happens next.

exninja123 responds:

thanks you! :)


Rated 5 / 5 stars

This is a great story! I find it quite fascinating, his obsession with eternal life and the witch's "gift" of "immortality", as well as her requirements for him to fully realize it. I am very curious what this "unconditional love" might be, and in what form it might appear.
I did notice a couple grammer and spelling errors. I think the sentence before he meets the Witch should say, "The soldier seeks out the Grand Witch to gain immortality", cutting out the word "for", as it seems unnecessary.
When she give the soldier his task, she should say "My foolish son HAS run away from home", as "HAD run" implies he had left and then returned.
Right before the soldier is decapitated, it should say "But when a man STRUCK him from behind"
When the witch finds him, it should say, "He head a familiar CACKLE", not crackle. A cackle is a type of laugh, but a crackle is a noise associated with sharp pops, like a fire.
As far as I can tell, this story has already happened, right? Then most of your verbs should be past tense, which is why I make the above distinctions. In my opinion, these are only minor errors. I understood the story just fine as it is, and it is a great story! I can't wait to see your other character stories!

exninja123 responds:

wow thank you so much!
it was very helpful! xD
glad you enjoyed the story!!! :D


Rated 3 / 5 stars

I liked it. The part where he lost his head was creepy O.O with the music and such XD

exninja123 responds:

hehe thanks! xD