Would be worth all 5 if it was real, but still 4 for the nice joke.
I just came back to this after 7 years, just to get the remaining medals, they are possible.
And since this game is so old it couldn't possible considered spoiler if I share the info here on how to get them.

Sooo.... "spoiler"
how to get the medals:
1. Grab the bag - grab the bag, not hard (OMG BEST TIP EVERRR)
2. Alliance - run towards the person on that medal and just spam theaction keys to interact with her, it should be possible in time
3. Arrow get - don't run toward that chick, intead hide behind the closest tree on the LEFT, get killed there. The tree will be cut and smash her.
4.Crowd pleaser - run straight left toward that guy and interact with him. You will die a millisecond later. May take some tries.
5. To the dogs - triggers automatically after dying like 20 times, most people just aren't patient enough to stay around so long.
--- spoiler end ----

but seriously, if this would be an actual game it could easily make game of the week/month.

FUCK THE KNIFE

there is no knife

this is hard

yeah fuck april fools day, good art though.