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Don't Catch the Herp!

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Give Me a Wet One 5 Points

Kiss The Girl.

Bar Hoppin' 10 Points

Escape the bar in under 20 seconds.

No Red Sores 10 Points

Survive The Girl's clutches.

Retro Pro 25 Points

Escape in your car in under 20 seconds.

Pattern Recognition 50 Points

Get away without retrying.

Secret Medal ????? Points

Unlock this medal to learn its secrets!

Secret Medal ????? Points

Unlock this medal to learn its secrets!

Secret Medal ????? Points

Unlock this medal to learn its secrets!

Author Comments

Hai there!

Almost two years in the making, I present the ultimate depiction of the struggle of:
Good and Evil
Justice and Corruption
Freedom and Restraint


Action Button - SPACEBAR
Movement - ARROW KEYS

The following story is based on true events. All names of people and locations involved have been changed in respect of their privacy.

Love you.


great funny game!

WHAOO EVAN i cared so little i almost fainted

People find this review helpful!

uh, what?

you get one star for trying

but dude, cold sores while being herpes virus 1 are not the normal STD herpes (herpes virus 2). Cold sores usually flair up from nervousness and stress. So using her cold sores on he mouth as a way to say that she has herpes (which we all know you meant std herpes) is completely idiotic.

also, cold sores and std herpes are completely separate, cold sores are only transmitted through direct contact with the open sore. you can still have sex with the person and not catch "the herp" or cold sores.

you know what, you get no stars for being a douche. if your going to make a game that is supposed to make fun of something at least research it. or did making the game called "dont catch the cold sores" not sound appealing enough? I'm not like the other dude and don't like that its insensitive, or w/e, you just ruined the experience by not knowing what you made the game about.

ItsTheAshtray responds:

Interesting, you should write some articles for wikipedia. And in no way is the PURPOSE of this game to make fun of people with herpes. That's just blindly misinterpreting the experience based on an initial gut reaction. Ever see a horror or suspense movie? Maybe some girl gets obsessed with a guy and stalks him with the "If I can't have him, no one can" mentality. Maybe someone you thought you knew turns out to be an alien. The only purpose of the herpes in this game is to reinforce the cake layer of comedy.


Funny how the herpes girl is portrayed as a beast xD

This game is actually amusing!

I don't know what the fuck people complain about, this is really fun! But, you have to make some missions more clearer.

People find this review helpful!

Not too bad.

It's not perfect by any means, but for what it is, it's an enjoyable little collection of minigames that I had enough fun with to get all the medals on.

The storyline is funny as hell and its complete ludicrousness really adds a lot to things, and "YOU HAVE HERPES!!" is one of the more entertaining "game over" lines I've seen in quite some time. But I'll just get take things in order...

The HERPES! HERPES! RUN AWAY! section (for lack of a better name), eh, I pretty much see it as part of the intro. Don't really have a lot to say about it, though you have perhaps a bit TOO MUCH time to react before YOU HAVE HERPES!!.

The platformer section is a bit too 'stop and go' for my tastes and Herpes Bitch moves far too slowly to be of any threat- I'm pretty sure that my first time through, where I somehow managed to run into every obstacle at least once, I still passed without ever seeing her creep up. I definitely appreciate how you didn't set me up with any ROM hack/I Wanna Be The Guy bullshit but I think you could make things a little harder.

The Frogger section is quite fun though I think the club door and your car are perhaps a bit too close to the vehicle spawn points, which means it tends to be where I die due to being hit by a car I never saw coming. I LOVE how Herpes Bitch comes out exactly where your keys are, though- that's not sarcasm, it forces you to try to find a way around an enemy that slowly homes in on you, which is pretty fun given the situation.

The driving section is fun but insanely predictable; Herpes Bitch follows the EXACT same pattern of attack every time you reach this point, and with two exceptions, you're totally safe from everything but the hearts on the far left side of the screen (which also gives you the most time to dodge the hearts).

The trial section is completely awesome, though I'd have liked the ability to advance through the text faster- in fact, if there IS a major problem with the game, it's that you have too unskippable cutscenes and the non-interactive parts of the game tend to be kind of slow- because I wanted to try out all of the failure options, as well as the YOU AREN'T ARRESTED!! path. I also would've preferred it to be a little longer, but it works for what it does.

Overall, I liked it! My only real issue with the game is that it's kind of short and definitely too easy, but I'll definitely admit that I had a good time playing.

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Credits & Info

3.84 / 5.00

Jan 10, 2012
1:26 AM EST
Simulation - Dating